masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
