Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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