dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
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My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night