Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
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You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
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i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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