i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
