people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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