It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
