I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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