I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it's like iHOP with fire
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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