he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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