Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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