I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
