I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
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i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
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I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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