Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
