I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
