; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize