Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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