Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
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But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
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The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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