So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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