then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
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You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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