i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
