Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
