her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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