I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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