ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back