My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just jacked off to nostalgia.