I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
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It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
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At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.