Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.