good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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