I'm going to rape someone's good day.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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