That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
