Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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