i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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