It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
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He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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