Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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