well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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