Can i not drive my cunt home
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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