i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
