She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
