morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch