I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person