so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.