why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
