This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
