yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You may now shotgun with the bride
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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