We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
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It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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