6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
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Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
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You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.