Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.