That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes