Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
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he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
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He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?