I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.