if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
you made out with another girl for some wings
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
