Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
