i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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