My sheets look like a crime scene.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
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