when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
