dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach