i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
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those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home