Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.