just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER