God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
