Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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