we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
